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Halfhearted Lament

I'd never felt myself so absent before,
I just don't know why I'm still here.
I'd never felt my body so tired,
i'd never felt myself so lonely,
because it's never complete,
because it's never enough time,
because it's never the whole thing.
I wish I had faced the risks since the beginning,
and perhaps now I hadn't these halfhearted feelings.
Beauty still is the only direction I met,
it's the only belief I have,
the only thing I've always wanted (and never had).
I've been working so hard upon it,
but what have I got?
I'd never felt myself so contradictory like now,
i'd never felt myself so depreciated,
and I know exactly why!
I know, and I'm doing my best,
but I just can't solve it.
I just can't go further if I'm still lonely...
And whenever I talk about loneliness,
it's strictly about not having someone I really love...
To embrace, to touch, to kiss,
to miss while I'm here,
so far away from everything I care.

(Júlio B.)